Covid-19. The unbelievable characteristics of this Incredible Virus (satire)

By | January 10, 2021

COVID19, wow, this is some virus. It displays some quite astonishing characteristics, not least amongst which are:

Its ability to fly different distances in different countries:  In Britain and New Zealand social distancing demands people stand 2m apart, in the US that same safe distance is 1.8 metres, and it is 1.5m in Australia. Yet in Singapore, it’s just 1 metre. In reality, the “experts” haven’t got a clue. And if social distancing works, why has it not been used before, to stop the spread of other viruses, including the yearly influenza virus outbreak which kills approx. 600’000 people EVERY year worldwide? 

It gets old and tired:  In the UK they have just decreased the social distancing safety measures from 2 metres to 1 metre. Obviously this means that the UK flavour of the virus is getting old and tired, and can no longer leap or fly the same distance as it could only a few weeks ago, Its either this, or all social distancing precautions are plucked out of thin air and have absolutely no validity. Do you have a different explanation? 

It is the world’s first “politically correct” virus:  It appears that this virus has the ability to decide whether or not to infect crowds of protesters depending upon why they are protesting. For example, the Black Lives Matters protests in the USA were not at threat from the virus, but any protests against the lockdowns were. Also, any gatherings of more than a few people in parks and gardens are at serious risk!

It is indestructible:  It can be excreted from peoples bodies in their urine and then survive in the water supply. People drink the water and become infected. And you thought disinfecting your hands every five minutes and wearing a mask would protect you. Now that it is in the water supply there is no escape. Be fearful, be more fearful; in fact be terrified, constantly!

It is a playful virus:  Researchers from Johns Hopkins University have found that Covid-19 can hide inside and behind the human ear. What? The virus plays games now. It enjoys a game of hide and seek while it is waiting for its chance to surge into your body and infect you! I wonder what other games this playful virus likes to play. Backgammon or Monopoly perhaps? I’m sure that we´ll find out in due course as research continues to discover ever more unbelievable characteristics of this incredible virus!

It can distinguish between the good and the bad guys: Have you noticed that the police, army and navy personnel, and even construction workers do not adhere to social distancing? If the virus is so infectious, why are they not dropping like flies, dead in the street? Obviously it’s because this intelligent COVID-19 virus can decide who to infect and who to leave alone. It knows that we need the services of the police etc, and so, in its benign generosity it leaves them alone. How fortunate! But wait a minute, Does this mean that if I don a police uniform or a hard hat I too will have instant immunity from the virus? Or is the virus even cleverer still? Would it know that I was only pretending to be a policeman or a construction worker and infect me anyway? What do you think?

It does not infect people while they are eating:  People entering a shop or restaurant are being told to wear a mask for their protection, but they can remove the mask when they are eating and drinking. This is wonderful news for all of us. Obviously this means that while we are eating, we cannot catch the virus, so maybe we should stuff our faces with food all day long, and become immune! This is great news for the over-eaters who were previously told that their health was at risk from obesity. Now they can laugh at all the skinnies, safe in the knowledge that the more often they eat, the more they decrease their chances of contracting the virus. 

It does not infect people wearing a mask:  Face masks normally do not offer any protection from a virus, and are not effective against respiratory illnesses like the flu and COVID-19. If they were, ‘the health authorities would have recommended them years ago, for other viruses. This is because they know that the virus particles are much smaller than the holes in the mask, and can pass right through.  But now remarkably, masks DO protect you from the COVID-19 virus. Obviously this virus rewards obedience, and so chooses to ignore anyone who is a good  citizen and is dutifully wearing their mask. Wow!. Yet another impressive characteristic of this intelligent and discerning COVID-19 virus.

So there you have it. Do you see how this is all a load of nonsense? If you don’t, then fall back into your fearful trance, bolstered incessantly by the mainstream media.

Remember to  wear your protective mask at all times. Outside when walking alone in the street, inside your own home, in your bed, in the shower; everywhere at all times. After all, if you believe that the virus can infect you whilst walking alone in the street, then it follows that it can strike at any time! There is nowhere safe! Be afraid constantly!

And enjoy your virus contagion when it eventually hits you, as it probably will, because fear lowers your immune system response, and creates a fertile breeding ground for ANY virus, bacterial infection, or other disease.

If you do see how this is all a load of rubbish, then please do something about it.

Knowledge is not enough. Action, or rather non-action is necessary to put a stop to this. All you need to do is laugh (because it is all a joke, and we are being played like a fiddle) say “I do not consent” and then stop acquiescing to the ever more ridiculous protocols and restrictions imposed upon our freedom as individuals, by people who do not have a clue what they are doing – except that they share the same objectives of keeping us all in constant fear, crushing the joy out of our lives, and changing social behaviour forever. They are making us less human, and it’s all by design. Can you see this?

All it takes to put an end to this nonsense is to stop giving your consent. Stop acquiescing. That’s it! Violence and street protests are NOT necessary. But will you do it? If so, when?