In yet another stunning revelation from the pro-global warming scientists, and with the full backing of the Church of Climatology and the IPCC, we have just learned that they can now prove beyond any doubt, what skeptics have doubted for many years. Santa Claus really does exist.
His house, toy factory and his elves and reindeer have been discovered in a little known and only recently explored region of the North Pole. It was revealed that thanks to global warming and the subsequent melting of the polar ice caps, Santa’s house and factory have been uncovered. They were previously hidden inside caves, deep inside the polar ice. This explains why he was never discovered until now.
So you can tell your children the good news that they were right all along, and that Santa is alive and well and living in the North Pole!
The undisputed leader of the Church of Climatology, his Most Holy Reverence the Almighty and Unchallengeable Sri Sri Bagwan Al Goremonanda, was quick to identify himself with the discovery. In a comment to the journal USA Next Week, he said “I never doubted for a moment that Santa Claus exists. Ever since I was a child, I have believed in Santa, and I have worked tirelessly and unselfishly to support the Santa lobby for many years”.
Sri Sri Bagwan Al Goremonanda is known to have already invested in several polar travel companies specialising in expeditions to the North Pole, in anticipation of the huge public demand to meet Santa, and has also despatched an envoy to sign an exclusive agreement to represent Santa Claus himself.
A spokesman for the hedge fund owned by Sri Sri Bagwan Al Goremonanda, and his Church of Climatology partner Sri Sri Sathya Bloodananda said: “This is an exciting discovery and we are launching a Santa Special Situations Fund immediately. Santa Claus is a multi-billion dollar industry, which can only grow exponentially now that the man himself has been discovered” He then added, rubbing his hands together, “We confidently expect the market to grow to a trillion dollars within ten years”.
Of course Santa sceptics will say that this is just another sensational claim from the global warming alarmist scientists, that the real man does not exist, and that this is merely a stunt to revive flagging public interest in the man-made global warming propaganda, and for Bloodananda and Goremonanda to recruit yet more devotees to their Church of Climatology, and in the process, make another few billion dollars for themselves.
But IPCC scientists are adamant. “The debate is over” they said. “The existence of Santa Claus is now an unchallengeable fact”.
Santa’s actual location was discovered using the computer modelling of climate data from the University of East Anglia in the UK. It was only when they noticed much higher than normal surface temperatures at that particular area that a team of hand-picked IPCC climate specialists were sent on a top secret mission to investigate.
The actual data regarding the precise location and details of the discovery are being withheld by the University of East Anglia on the basis that they do not own the data and cannot therefore give permission to release it. We will just have to trust them!
So, what’s your opinion? Do you believe that Santa Claus exists or not?
As for myself, I can only say that if you believe that human CO2 emissions are causing global warming, and that they will have catastrophic effects on the earth within the next few years, then all of this should come as no surprise to you, as you probably already believe in Santa Claus anyway, don’t you?
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