Hey Greta – 10 minutes of your time will end your Climate Crisis (satire)

By | February 1, 2021

Greta, I have the solution that you and your millions of followers seek. A way to end your Climate Crisis once and for all. All it will take is 10 minutes of your precious time. Not much of your time at all, to be able to put an end the perceived Climate Emergency which has been your obsessive preoccupation for so many years now.

Of course, it involves a small personal sacrifice, but surely it’s worth it to finally, conclusively, prevent your prophesised Climate Armageddon which has taken so much of your time that you have missed your schooling, and had a normal childhood stolen from you altogether.

The Climate Crisis is human made, you say? And we are putting too much CO2 into the atmosphere, you say? So we need to drastically reduce the amount of CO2 in the atmosphere, right? Do I understand the problem so far? 

It has not escaped my attention that when humans breath, in comes oxygen and out goes CO2, right?

Well, there you have it. All it takes is for you, Greta and your millions of followers plus the countless millions if not billions of people around the world who believe that human CO2 emissions are killing the planet, to make one small, ultimate sacrifice in the name of rescuing our beautiful planet Earth.

So here we go Greta. This is it, your chance to REALLY make a lasting difference and placate your obsessive preoccupation with saving the planet.

This is it. Here we go . . .

Now, Greta, take a deep breath. And hold it, hold it , hold it – for just 10 minutes. That’s it!


And you will then be forever relieved of the guilty conscience you must surely have, after so many years of you yourself breathing this harmful pollutant into the atmosphere. A clear conscience is the best pillow they say – although you might not have need of one in the afterlife.

Greta, if you and your followers make this small sacrifice, we would be eternally grateful. Those of us who survive will be able to enjoy life without hearing your incessant whining, castigating us for trying to live as normal human beings. We will be eternally grateful to you for saving the planet for us so that we can then carry on pumping carbon dioxide into the air, and “polluting” the planet with CO2.

Because you see, Greta, in fact, CO2 is not a pollutant. It is the food of life for trees and plants which would flourish all over the Earth with more CO2 in the atmosphere. As a result, the Earth will be greener, there will be more food and all life will thrive!

Because in fact, as real independent scientists say, we need 5 times more CO2 in the atmosphere, not less!

But, Greta.if you truly believe that humans are killing the planet with their CO2 emissions; then I urge you and your fellow climate alarmists to make this one, small, ultimate sacrifice.  

Go ahead Greta, put your words into action, just this once, and only for 10 minutes.

Then the rest of us can breathe freely and all live in peace!